Y'know it's kinda funny that I am writing this to you. But I guess you are exactly right for this. Let's see: [ex] - that's the main part there in the title -- Boyfriend, not exactly that, but you were close... Crush, well I can't deny that... Now, love, that's hard to tell. So I guess this is you... it's your letter. I don't really know though, what to say. In the hundred of months that have passed since then and now (and yes, I counted), we haven't really talked about this, about us... what happened to us then that has brought us where we are now. Maybe it's been long overdue. So here goes..
We were so young at that time, a hundred months ago. I don’t know about you but I felt I was young. Did you know that that time - us - was my first time to sail into the tumultuous waters that is romance? As you know, I'm not like most girls. When I met you, I was untried in the 'game of love'. And so there I was, naïve and utterly hopeful, optimistic and hopelessly ill-equipped. And there you were, exactly how I thought, how I dreamed you would be. You were so nice and kind and oh so sweet. A perfect gentleman. You said the right words, did the right things. You swept me off my feet. You were my prince and I was your princess. And we had our kingdom among the trees and mountains and long-winding roads of that far away place. We were together everyday, shared every moment of that unforgettable time. And so we grew closer. I got to know you and I liked the things I found out. You got to know me, too. And there we were enjoying the spring of love; where everyday's a beautiful day under the clear, blue summer sky, and at night the stars are out and shining bright. You promised me those stars. Remember? You said it'll be you and me forever.
At the end of our journey, as we went back home, my heart was full of memories of wonderful moments spent with you, and my head was filled with your promises. I was excited to go back to school and tell all my friends about you, about us... Everything we did, everything you said. But it didn't last too long. My excitement eventually turned into confusion. And those days after we came back aren't really clear to me anymore. Maybe the many questions I asked then had clouded my mind. All I remember was that you weren't there, not like you were with me back in the mountains and long roads. No more closeness, no more sweetness. Your promises have faded away. The summer was over. I didn't think we were too, but I really had no idea where it all went. Do you know? Did you forget? Did you change your mind? Was it all just in my mind, brought on by too much sun and exhaustion? More questions. And there were no answers. Certainly none came from you.
But life had to go on of course. There were classes and responsibilities and other stuff to be dealt with, along with the heartaches and disenchanted hopes. I dealt with those in the best way I knew; cried a few tears and let go of some dreams. And so life went on for me. I was okay for the most part. But I haven't fully realized till much later that it was then that you have given me the first reason for bitterness in my young heart.
The story of us didn't stop there. Our lives became entwined in ways we didn't imagine. And so our roads crossed many times in many places...some different, some again and again. After some awkward years, we'll meet, reconnect, maybe try to get close again, only to be lost once more. I'll go away, you'll come near. I'll walk closer then somehow you'll drift farther. We were like that for so long. And through all that, after a few heartbreaks and few glorious moments, we somehow ended up here - you and me - as friends, a kind of family. Life is weird, isn't it? In all our history of being together then apart, friends then enemies then something else in between, we really got to know one another. The real persons; who we really are, not just how we wanted to be with each other. Somehow you became someone in my life, someone other than what I wanted you to be in the first place... not less important, but important in another way. Do I still make sense? Our story is really quite confusing. But I don't think so now, not anymore. Everything's settled, right? There might still be some lingering unanswered questions , a few regrets, and maybe even a touch of what if's left, but in the long way we've come, I've learned that there are roads that are just not meant to be traveled. I'm glad we've come this far and that I haven't lost you along the way. You're in my life, with some people you know that I've come to love very dearly. We're all good where we are now. You and I didn't start out this way, but we ended up in a much better place don't you think? I thank the stars for that. And the One who's holding them up there, the same hand who's holding you and me together here.
Always, Van.
